What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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