guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
