Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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