I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
