you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
