i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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