youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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