Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Let's get the cat blown out
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
