I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
