Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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