Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't deserve a penis
Someone came in the potted fern
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
