i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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