i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
