i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
