I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
