bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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