just tell him i said nine months
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I deserve this hangover.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
