About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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