Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
