I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
