soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
