I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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