I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
