You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
