can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
