A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
