Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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