Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
