Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
