He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
