also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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