Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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