Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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