I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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