I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
