Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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