I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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