omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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