I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
