last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
