if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
