i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
bring money and cleavage
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
