I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
