after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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