Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
