I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
