Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
