im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The Olympian is in my bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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