Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
