Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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